Such a weird way to wake up, woke up from a dream within a dream! Worse of all in that particular dream I had something that made me faint, then get electrified till I wake up wtf? I could even feel the electric feeling in my dream wtf D:<

How would you feel if I pester you and tell you the same thing over and over again everyday? Sometimes life just don't go your way and that's that. The life is yours and the fate is controlled by yourself.

Need some motivation...the need to be enlightened. This whole year, I've had too much of dreams. Sweet, sad, death, happiness and love but why now? Why this year? Worse of all...to me embraced by nothing but dreams alone is sad. Have been dreaming so frequently that I felt it's not real anymore. The only dreams I get last time would be once a year or sometimes not even once? Not to mention whenever I dream, I get deja vu after that.

None of the dreams came true anymore now, all of them is but a dream. A dream that comes every few weeks or perhaps every week instead of few...no deja vu from any of the dreams I dreamt of. One thing for sure, I'd definitely not want the dream about those close to me dying. Not a pleasant experience, never would I want that to happen again. And I actually dreamt of someone facing cancer and death before and it both came true. Luckily, or should I say sadly that none of the dreams I face now came true anymore. Not sad nor happy. Though I'm dreaming more dreams that are good, and once in a while sad but it's not good.

Too much things are going on in my mind and nothing is working out exactly like what I want it to be. If only I have the power to control everything, even a wish would be good. Thinking of these things will only lead me back to zero. The origin. There's nothing to be proud of at all, no achievement, no nothing. I wish I did something that changed my whole life at one point. Something I can be proud of. I have done so many things but none of them are something I can be proud of. All of them, every each of them I eventually stopped. Lack of motivation, loneliness begin to grow, larger and larger but I can't stop it. I must occupy myself with something no matter what, but what is the particular thing I must occupy with?

Decisions decisions, gah screw decisions. My life's just like this. A never ending loop. Loops forever like the infinity symbol.

..

FML, pressure applied to me again. When will this cycle ever end....?!

More and more TL;DR post I guess

Every year, people would go with new year = new resolution. However, I myself do not make much of a resolution every year. This year, I found one. Simple to do yet, requires the will and determination to continue it. I must ensure that Monday onwards I would have to start exercising with pull ups, chin ups, sit ups, push ups and of course some jogging on Fridays if I have time to do so.

This is a good time for me to make a change, and the most important part is the love myself and not think of only trying my best but injure myself in the process of doing it. For 3 days in a row, to be honest in this 3 months time I really enjoyed myself. The time I used to spend with my friends. Time is something that can never return to you once you've used it up, and I regret not for spending my time like this.

But now that I think of it, who would've thought that I ended up like this? Unexpected things will always happen in life. Fatigue, stress, these are nothing if one has the will and the resolve to work things out even though it will cost them time.

Sadly, this year the number of friends flying off overseas increased by a lot. Which probably means I'll have to adapt to my lifestyle like this or opt for a change and look for a better solution to fill my life. By reading books, working and so on. What comes will come. To not rush for things is another way to handle the options created.

This is the path, the path that will lead me to my future. The same as the path of a travelling merchant in medieval times. If the cart filled with goods are to be stuck and face trouble moving, you can only choose to leave it together with the goods or try to save it to gain the profit. Trying to save it immediately may be a choice but that's only if the cart including the goods outweigh everything else there is to it. Leaving the cart and opting to look for more goods or look around for another solution to overcome the loss may put you back into a win-win situation. Not to mention you can come to a point where you can find out something extraordinary just because of the decision.

You create the options, but choices are given. Ultimately it's the decision that matters. This seems that it's gonna be a message, a message to me in the future perhaps so that I can look back at what mistakes have I done. What I should've done...but to be honest I'm not satisfied with what I have done till now. I should put in more effort. Carrying a mask around whenever you go out, no matter where you are. It doesn't help at all, but what can one do? Fret, what else?

Body aching so badly today after working out so much. Time to endure the challenge, carry out what I need to do. This shall be the end of today's post.

A day to remember.

Been so long since I've started my personal and private blogging again. Last time used to be so enthusiastic about blogging, so into blogging and not to mention so happy about getting photos so I can put it up on my blog. Things changed, interest towards blogging changed, life by itself changed me entirely.

Who would've thought that in this few years time, I'm like this? I have no idea how much I've changed. I sometimes do wonder, am I still the same as I am last time? Am I still a pessimistic person like last time? But hey, I'm pretty sure no one would visit my blog again since it's entirely dead.

Nostalgic indeed. Looking back to what I've posted up, I just realized about the 88 truths in life. The first sentence...about not able to change people and it's being rude to do so. I guess I really need to stop doing so. I've been trying to change people but not myself, I know that I should not be doing this but I'm not sure why I'm still doing it. Perhaps it's because that I do not want people to be in that position, a bad position.

With the #47, "If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship." sentence would pretty much explain why I'm still single as I am right now. Who knows who I may be like 3 to 4 years down the road? I may still be the person called Kelvin but will I really act the same and maintain the same personality that I have? If things came crashing down, will I be able to handle it? There are so many questions that I should actually ask myself but one thing for sure, I am not able to answer them myself yet.

Last time, all I listen to would be only Japanese songs and some English songs but now I'm starting to pick up on Korean songs and feel that they are better. When I watched Dream High, I felt like I'm the guy Jason in the movie. A person without goal or dream. What's my goal and dream in life? Do I have one?

For once in my life, I actually wanted to aim for the professional gaming part but it was just some crappy thoughts. I'm not good enough to be able to qualify myself nor am I capable to improve and maintain my standards. I have been wasting too much of my time, it's like it came to a halt and not move anymore. Just like a watch or a clock with a needle that stopped with me being the needle. I need motivation, I need to be enlightened.

Valentine's Day as usual, a boring day. Every year, this particular date always gives me the same kind of feeling. Envy. So many people enjoy it, I for one do not enjoy it because I'm not doing much on that day. The only thing I do? Read books or check out for some stuff to read and just play some game but that's it. What's so different about this year's valentine's day? The only thing different is I get to have some basketball games in Balakong with my best friend Jason but that's about it. Not to mention it's just around an hour or so.

Yeah life indeed has ups and down but sometimes I feel, I have more down than ups. Pessimistic as ever, this is the me today. Though people always say that anything can happen, I believe that nothing will happen if you do not take action to make a single thing to happen. Yet, I do not have the courage at all to make anything happen. I have the right mind, right decision, right timing but...lacking of the courage to do so. What good is there? I must start to be brave, to not act tough too much. Keeping everything to self is good and bad, we don't need to worry anyone else which is good but...as it piles up we will eventually get ourselves emotionally unstable.

Now that I think of it, I used to love keeping everything to myself not sharing anything. Be it secrets or things that are important / not important. I still keep it to myself. But what's the after effect?! I get myself crying out loud wanting to have everything deep down in me, to be released and not have anything more to keep. To have this happened only twice in my life, it has become more frequent ever since my grandmother passed away. Having sad dreams, nightmares and to get only 1 good and sweet dream after a lot of nightmares. I wish there's a way to express myself without making others feel worried or too concerned about what's going on in my life.

I guess I'll start writing again on my own blog instead of the FlyingZ blog there. Occasionally, I will still post there but I'll focus more over here as I'd want to just express and say everything I want here without much people knowing about it or caring about it.

This is who I am for I cannot change who I am.

Been wanting to post this up but meh I finally remembered to post it up for people to read ;)

There is something in this world which no one has ever seen.

It is soft and sweet.

If it is spotted, I'm sure everyone will want to have it,

Which is why no one has ever seen it.

For this world has hidden it quite well, so that it is difficult to obtain.

But, there will come a day when it is discovered by somebody,

And only those who should obtain it will be able to find it.
That is all.

Inactive is inactive indeed (OAO)!

Lacking of motivation to blog these days. Had been reading up weird stuff and walla, I found something that I think will at least benefit someone who reads it =D Trust meh it will at least enlighten your day and add more knowledge! It's about 88 truths in life. Happen to read it somewhere so I'm just copy pasting it. All credits go to the person who put this up.


1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is 100 times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive. And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present an unedited version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match one’s own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will probably remove their inclination to create it for others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us heavily biased towards or against something. This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be. It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.

64. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the act of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I worry about never happen. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying. Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a tiny amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips. I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back.