A day to remember.

Been so long since I've started my personal and private blogging again. Last time used to be so enthusiastic about blogging, so into blogging and not to mention so happy about getting photos so I can put it up on my blog. Things changed, interest towards blogging changed, life by itself changed me entirely.

Who would've thought that in this few years time, I'm like this? I have no idea how much I've changed. I sometimes do wonder, am I still the same as I am last time? Am I still a pessimistic person like last time? But hey, I'm pretty sure no one would visit my blog again since it's entirely dead.

Nostalgic indeed. Looking back to what I've posted up, I just realized about the 88 truths in life. The first sentence...about not able to change people and it's being rude to do so. I guess I really need to stop doing so. I've been trying to change people but not myself, I know that I should not be doing this but I'm not sure why I'm still doing it. Perhaps it's because that I do not want people to be in that position, a bad position.

With the #47, "If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship." sentence would pretty much explain why I'm still single as I am right now. Who knows who I may be like 3 to 4 years down the road? I may still be the person called Kelvin but will I really act the same and maintain the same personality that I have? If things came crashing down, will I be able to handle it? There are so many questions that I should actually ask myself but one thing for sure, I am not able to answer them myself yet.

Last time, all I listen to would be only Japanese songs and some English songs but now I'm starting to pick up on Korean songs and feel that they are better. When I watched Dream High, I felt like I'm the guy Jason in the movie. A person without goal or dream. What's my goal and dream in life? Do I have one?

For once in my life, I actually wanted to aim for the professional gaming part but it was just some crappy thoughts. I'm not good enough to be able to qualify myself nor am I capable to improve and maintain my standards. I have been wasting too much of my time, it's like it came to a halt and not move anymore. Just like a watch or a clock with a needle that stopped with me being the needle. I need motivation, I need to be enlightened.

Valentine's Day as usual, a boring day. Every year, this particular date always gives me the same kind of feeling. Envy. So many people enjoy it, I for one do not enjoy it because I'm not doing much on that day. The only thing I do? Read books or check out for some stuff to read and just play some game but that's it. What's so different about this year's valentine's day? The only thing different is I get to have some basketball games in Balakong with my best friend Jason but that's about it. Not to mention it's just around an hour or so.

Yeah life indeed has ups and down but sometimes I feel, I have more down than ups. Pessimistic as ever, this is the me today. Though people always say that anything can happen, I believe that nothing will happen if you do not take action to make a single thing to happen. Yet, I do not have the courage at all to make anything happen. I have the right mind, right decision, right timing but...lacking of the courage to do so. What good is there? I must start to be brave, to not act tough too much. Keeping everything to self is good and bad, we don't need to worry anyone else which is good but...as it piles up we will eventually get ourselves emotionally unstable.

Now that I think of it, I used to love keeping everything to myself not sharing anything. Be it secrets or things that are important / not important. I still keep it to myself. But what's the after effect?! I get myself crying out loud wanting to have everything deep down in me, to be released and not have anything more to keep. To have this happened only twice in my life, it has become more frequent ever since my grandmother passed away. Having sad dreams, nightmares and to get only 1 good and sweet dream after a lot of nightmares. I wish there's a way to express myself without making others feel worried or too concerned about what's going on in my life.

I guess I'll start writing again on my own blog instead of the FlyingZ blog there. Occasionally, I will still post there but I'll focus more over here as I'd want to just express and say everything I want here without much people knowing about it or caring about it.

This is who I am for I cannot change who I am.