Monday, October 31, 2011

So like new semester started and all I have been spending my time on are usually on those work I'm given and been so busy myself these days. Frustration, definitely something that is around all day long with my computer enjoying the BSOD every single darn day. Been such a long time since I've blogged.

Now that I have no motivation to continue finishing up my work, I suddenly feel the urge to actually blog a little about it. Having high expectation and performing up to par is like a norm in my life already. Not to mention that I will have to begin looking for a part time job as well. Life was, is and never easy. Nothing can quench a person's greed and desire.

All I have been doing is nothing but procrastinating really. Guess I've got to stop this and resume my work again :S

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Start of a new life

Yes, that's right the start of a new life. This life of mine that's filled with nothing but wasting time. Now, ever since my first class started I have been enjoying my time so much. To think that once again I'm enjoying my classes / lectures is really...unexpected. Intercultural communication lecturer resembles the teacher I had when I took EST last time.

I'm guessing this 4 years down the road, I'll be enjoying my time all the way except once in a while spending more time doing other things. To have an aim, the resolution to do what I should do. Chances of posting more stuff up on this blog is gonna be low considering how I'm going to be spending my time now. One thing for sure, I'm definitely looking forward towards end of the year.

Trips, to other places with my friends will never be boring nor will it be gone because no matter what we will work it out somehow! Believe in one self. To have faith is what it takes...I wonder how much will I change now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Life has never been so dull

So what have I been doing these days? This question can be answered so easily but nonetheless shows that I'm becoming more and more of a hermit it seems. I need to break free from this cycle but I can't do so until I start studying again while looking for a part time job as well.

SC2 / PS2 and reading books are my life now, lack of motivation indeed kills. What else other than rotting at home? So wish to find a job get some money and buy the stuff I want. Then save up all for future use. Sadly, things never go the way I want.

I need a will, a resolution to do what I want to do. I haven't been updating my own blog for a month now but this by itself already portray the kind of person I am. To those enjoying their life, I'd congratulate them. To those that aren't enjoying them, it's time for you to move on and start to do things to enjoy your life.

Big question indeed, what should I do now? I'm feeling so clueless and thinking too much these days. Having dreams are usually because of thinking too much or stressed up but apparently I've been having dreams 3-4 days straight in a row every week. How bad is that I wonder. Hmm...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Rofl today is really a weird day for me lmao

First I end up waking up at 6am + to prepare and go out for basketball. Result : Basketball session finished earlier than expected. Still ok but then later on towards the afternoon it was so D:< when I fetched my mum to connaught, the bank was filled with people and then the cars double park and craps like that.

Makes me QQ so much about those drivers double parking there. To make things worse I'm suppose to go to McD like around 3pm but -.- Fail bank delayed till I reached McD around 4pm aoiaheroashroas8^!@*!%@*#$!@*#!@($!@(#$@!#$!@#$!*

One thing for sure I had fun time there lol. Then drove to ZY's house for jogging later on but...the weather looks like it's gonna rain anytime and it was slightly drizzling. Kinda wait for 5-10 minutes for the drizzle to stop then start to jog. Well, best part of all was one particular conversation I had with JW's just too epic I need to just post this on my blog and ensure that I can have this quoted no matter what lol...

"without alcohol u r drunk" quoted by someone lol.

Man, this sentence rly made my day and gave me a smile lol.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

New Beginning!

Once I settle all my stuff I will finally be going to Segi =o Sad part is...end of the year or so I may not even have the time to go holiday. Sigh. Makes me feel so #&$!@#$!@#$!*@$#*$!@^#!*@#$!*@$ because it's gonna be time to work my ass off to buy the phone I want and then remaining would be saved up into fixed deposit aioehrioahrashrahoih.

This is so not gonna be fun. Hectic lifestyle...mundane...what else is there to describe the new life of mine soon?

Meh this is another song that I kinda love too. Title would be Love Call.

With lyrics =o


何も見えない 暗闇の中で
見つけたんだ 小さな光を
私は歩いていく もう迷わない

何も聞こえない 喧騒の中で
見つけたんだ 小さな声を
私は歌う メロディが 空へいっぱいに

心はあなたに 続いてる
今すぐ 会いたい 感じたい温もりを
世界が満たされる 光で

どこにいても 感じるよ 声を

涙があふれる 孤独な心に
見つけたんだ 小さな愛を
私は思う 歌声が どこまでも響く
I love you…

たとえつまづいて 疲れきっても
地図のない道に ゴールが見えなくても
進むよ目の前を 見つめて
辿り着くよ あなたの所へ

心はあなたに 続いてる
いつでも 会いたい 感じたい温もりを
世界が満たされる 光で

どこにいても 感じるよ 愛を



In a darkness where I couldn't see anything,
I found a small light.
I walk on, no longer afraid.
May it reach straight to you...

In a noise where I couldn't hear anything,
I found a small voice.
The melody I sing reaches into the sky,
spreading far and wide.

My heart continues to you.
I want to meet you right now, and feel your warmth.
The world is filled with light.

No matter where you are, I can feel your voice.
This is my love call,
to you...

In my lonely heart, where the tears overflow,
I found a small love.
The singing voice I imagine echoes everywhere...
I love you...

Even if I stumble, and am exhausted,
even if I can't see the goal past this road with no map,
I will carry on, looking ahead.
I will reach the place where you are.

My heart continues to you.
I want to meet you always, and feel your warmth.
The world is filled with light.

No matter where you are, I can feel your love.
This is my love call,
to you...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Just be friends Choucho~

This is another song I actually like. The song sang by Choucho although the orignal is by vocaloids. Not from any japanese group, animation or games.

As for the answer to the 2 sentence on my fb, it's actually from this song itself as well.

最も辛い 選択がベスト。

I knew at the very depths of my heart
The hardest choice is the best choice. Some goes with painful so yeah. Beginning to take liking towards Choucho's singing and Hanatan as well.

Friday, March 4, 2011


The dreams are becoming more and more I'm getting more and more of these weird dreams -_-

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Such a weird way to wake up, woke up from a dream within a dream! Worse of all in that particular dream I had something that made me faint, then get electrified till I wake up wtf? I could even feel the electric feeling in my dream wtf D:<

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

How would you feel if I pester you and tell you the same thing over and over again everyday? Sometimes life just don't go your way and that's that. The life is yours and the fate is controlled by yourself.

Need some motivation...the need to be enlightened. This whole year, I've had too much of dreams. Sweet, sad, death, happiness and love but why now? Why this year? Worse of me embraced by nothing but dreams alone is sad. Have been dreaming so frequently that I felt it's not real anymore. The only dreams I get last time would be once a year or sometimes not even once? Not to mention whenever I dream, I get deja vu after that.

None of the dreams came true anymore now, all of them is but a dream. A dream that comes every few weeks or perhaps every week instead of deja vu from any of the dreams I dreamt of. One thing for sure, I'd definitely not want the dream about those close to me dying. Not a pleasant experience, never would I want that to happen again. And I actually dreamt of someone facing cancer and death before and it both came true. Luckily, or should I say sadly that none of the dreams I face now came true anymore. Not sad nor happy. Though I'm dreaming more dreams that are good, and once in a while sad but it's not good.

Too much things are going on in my mind and nothing is working out exactly like what I want it to be. If only I have the power to control everything, even a wish would be good. Thinking of these things will only lead me back to zero. The origin. There's nothing to be proud of at all, no achievement, no nothing. I wish I did something that changed my whole life at one point. Something I can be proud of. I have done so many things but none of them are something I can be proud of. All of them, every each of them I eventually stopped. Lack of motivation, loneliness begin to grow, larger and larger but I can't stop it. I must occupy myself with something no matter what, but what is the particular thing I must occupy with?

Decisions decisions, gah screw decisions. My life's just like this. A never ending loop. Loops forever like the infinity symbol.

Saturday, February 26, 2011


FML, pressure applied to me again. When will this cycle ever end....?!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

More and more TL;DR post I guess

Every year, people would go with new year = new resolution. However, I myself do not make much of a resolution every year. This year, I found one. Simple to do yet, requires the will and determination to continue it. I must ensure that Monday onwards I would have to start exercising with pull ups, chin ups, sit ups, push ups and of course some jogging on Fridays if I have time to do so.

This is a good time for me to make a change, and the most important part is the love myself and not think of only trying my best but injure myself in the process of doing it. For 3 days in a row, to be honest in this 3 months time I really enjoyed myself. The time I used to spend with my friends. Time is something that can never return to you once you've used it up, and I regret not for spending my time like this.

But now that I think of it, who would've thought that I ended up like this? Unexpected things will always happen in life. Fatigue, stress, these are nothing if one has the will and the resolve to work things out even though it will cost them time.

Sadly, this year the number of friends flying off overseas increased by a lot. Which probably means I'll have to adapt to my lifestyle like this or opt for a change and look for a better solution to fill my life. By reading books, working and so on. What comes will come. To not rush for things is another way to handle the options created.

This is the path, the path that will lead me to my future. The same as the path of a travelling merchant in medieval times. If the cart filled with goods are to be stuck and face trouble moving, you can only choose to leave it together with the goods or try to save it to gain the profit. Trying to save it immediately may be a choice but that's only if the cart including the goods outweigh everything else there is to it. Leaving the cart and opting to look for more goods or look around for another solution to overcome the loss may put you back into a win-win situation. Not to mention you can come to a point where you can find out something extraordinary just because of the decision.

You create the options, but choices are given. Ultimately it's the decision that matters. This seems that it's gonna be a message, a message to me in the future perhaps so that I can look back at what mistakes have I done. What I should've done...but to be honest I'm not satisfied with what I have done till now. I should put in more effort. Carrying a mask around whenever you go out, no matter where you are. It doesn't help at all, but what can one do? Fret, what else?

Body aching so badly today after working out so much. Time to endure the challenge, carry out what I need to do. This shall be the end of today's post.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A day to remember.

Been so long since I've started my personal and private blogging again. Last time used to be so enthusiastic about blogging, so into blogging and not to mention so happy about getting photos so I can put it up on my blog. Things changed, interest towards blogging changed, life by itself changed me entirely.

Who would've thought that in this few years time, I'm like this? I have no idea how much I've changed. I sometimes do wonder, am I still the same as I am last time? Am I still a pessimistic person like last time? But hey, I'm pretty sure no one would visit my blog again since it's entirely dead.

Nostalgic indeed. Looking back to what I've posted up, I just realized about the 88 truths in life. The first sentence...about not able to change people and it's being rude to do so. I guess I really need to stop doing so. I've been trying to change people but not myself, I know that I should not be doing this but I'm not sure why I'm still doing it. Perhaps it's because that I do not want people to be in that position, a bad position.

With the #47, "If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship." sentence would pretty much explain why I'm still single as I am right now. Who knows who I may be like 3 to 4 years down the road? I may still be the person called Kelvin but will I really act the same and maintain the same personality that I have? If things came crashing down, will I be able to handle it? There are so many questions that I should actually ask myself but one thing for sure, I am not able to answer them myself yet.

Last time, all I listen to would be only Japanese songs and some English songs but now I'm starting to pick up on Korean songs and feel that they are better. When I watched Dream High, I felt like I'm the guy Jason in the movie. A person without goal or dream. What's my goal and dream in life? Do I have one?

For once in my life, I actually wanted to aim for the professional gaming part but it was just some crappy thoughts. I'm not good enough to be able to qualify myself nor am I capable to improve and maintain my standards. I have been wasting too much of my time, it's like it came to a halt and not move anymore. Just like a watch or a clock with a needle that stopped with me being the needle. I need motivation, I need to be enlightened.

Valentine's Day as usual, a boring day. Every year, this particular date always gives me the same kind of feeling. Envy. So many people enjoy it, I for one do not enjoy it because I'm not doing much on that day. The only thing I do? Read books or check out for some stuff to read and just play some game but that's it. What's so different about this year's valentine's day? The only thing different is I get to have some basketball games in Balakong with my best friend Jason but that's about it. Not to mention it's just around an hour or so.

Yeah life indeed has ups and down but sometimes I feel, I have more down than ups. Pessimistic as ever, this is the me today. Though people always say that anything can happen, I believe that nothing will happen if you do not take action to make a single thing to happen. Yet, I do not have the courage at all to make anything happen. I have the right mind, right decision, right timing but...lacking of the courage to do so. What good is there? I must start to be brave, to not act tough too much. Keeping everything to self is good and bad, we don't need to worry anyone else which is good it piles up we will eventually get ourselves emotionally unstable.

Now that I think of it, I used to love keeping everything to myself not sharing anything. Be it secrets or things that are important / not important. I still keep it to myself. But what's the after effect?! I get myself crying out loud wanting to have everything deep down in me, to be released and not have anything more to keep. To have this happened only twice in my life, it has become more frequent ever since my grandmother passed away. Having sad dreams, nightmares and to get only 1 good and sweet dream after a lot of nightmares. I wish there's a way to express myself without making others feel worried or too concerned about what's going on in my life.

I guess I'll start writing again on my own blog instead of the FlyingZ blog there. Occasionally, I will still post there but I'll focus more over here as I'd want to just express and say everything I want here without much people knowing about it or caring about it.

This is who I am for I cannot change who I am.