How would you feel if I pester you and tell you the same thing over and over again everyday? Sometimes life just don't go your way and that's that. The life is yours and the fate is controlled by yourself.

Need some motivation...the need to be enlightened. This whole year, I've had too much of dreams. Sweet, sad, death, happiness and love but why now? Why this year? Worse of all...to me embraced by nothing but dreams alone is sad. Have been dreaming so frequently that I felt it's not real anymore. The only dreams I get last time would be once a year or sometimes not even once? Not to mention whenever I dream, I get deja vu after that.

None of the dreams came true anymore now, all of them is but a dream. A dream that comes every few weeks or perhaps every week instead of few...no deja vu from any of the dreams I dreamt of. One thing for sure, I'd definitely not want the dream about those close to me dying. Not a pleasant experience, never would I want that to happen again. And I actually dreamt of someone facing cancer and death before and it both came true. Luckily, or should I say sadly that none of the dreams I face now came true anymore. Not sad nor happy. Though I'm dreaming more dreams that are good, and once in a while sad but it's not good.

Too much things are going on in my mind and nothing is working out exactly like what I want it to be. If only I have the power to control everything, even a wish would be good. Thinking of these things will only lead me back to zero. The origin. There's nothing to be proud of at all, no achievement, no nothing. I wish I did something that changed my whole life at one point. Something I can be proud of. I have done so many things but none of them are something I can be proud of. All of them, every each of them I eventually stopped. Lack of motivation, loneliness begin to grow, larger and larger but I can't stop it. I must occupy myself with something no matter what, but what is the particular thing I must occupy with?

Decisions decisions, gah screw decisions. My life's just like this. A never ending loop. Loops forever like the infinity symbol.